Just deleted all of the post i had in this blog..

Decided to start afresh for this blog. No guarantee for frequent post. Maybe during times when i am feeling really down.

Well, i am feeling kinda down now. Just feel that no one understands how i feel. I really dislike to do things alone. I do admit that is a fear that i cant seem to totally conquer. Now I have to find out deadlines on my own, going to matriculation fair alone, medical check up alone, camps alone and module bidding (hopefully not) alone. Basically everything ALONE! WOW.... so not proud of that. People might praise me for my independence~ but hey, I do not want such independence! I want someone to guide me. Be there for me and not leave me aside and settle it myself. Ok, if i have to learn to be independent then teach me! don just throw me aside and leave me to "die". :'(

Its the same feeling as eating alone in the hawker centre. Some ppl cannot do that. So do i! Sometimes i cant even be out alone for too long! Prob MAXIMUM 1 hr. after that i will surely head home! Maybe i am overly too sensitive, but i always feel people's stare on me when i am alone. and thats the reason why, i hate to be alone! now, i have to handle all the uni stuff alone.

i hate it when she is so inconsiderate when i spoke to her this morning about my fear. hey, u can do it doesnt mean i can. I challenged myself in doing it alone. but fear just overwhelmed me. Perhaps, maybe, i just need some assurance and comfort when i rant about my fear. Dont judge me immediately. Wait till one day, someone do the same thing to you. You will probably break down!

sigh... :'(

Dear God,

Please help me.. Everything might sound so cheesy and trivial.. but You do know that how much courage i have to take to do all this alone! Please assure me that You will always be with me whenever i have to do all these... let peace to be upon me. Never leave me alone. :((( never!

thank You God for everything You have done. I love you more than anything else. Bless me like never before.. Let Your will be done in me! thank You!

You promise.

In Jesus Most Mighty Awesome and Powerful Name i pray,
Amen :)

With love,
Your beloved Daughter
Jiayan